How I feel today

             Well today we went to the park and everyone came instead of just a few. I was happy with that, so that I wouldn't be alone. Well when we were there I was very depressed and I know everyone knew because everyone kept asking. I guess it was obvious because I would just walk off and hide somewhere away from everyone. I really didn't want to be there, so I just hide away so no one could see me. But sadly they eventually came looking for me. It's only because one of my friends came looking for me, if it wasn't for her they would of left me. Well the would eventually come back realizing they left me behind but it doesn't really matter, I wouldn't care anyways. I never talked to him today, not one word.

      

            I haven't really been that depressed lately since I've been typing all my feeling on here, I know no one will read this and why would they care. It's a big stress re leaser.

 

             He text me today. He thinks that I hate his guts, I don't hate him I'm just kind of irritated. I guess you can say I'm jealous, but if you do you are wrong. I'm not jealous I never have and never will. I am upset that he is going out with my best friend, and I'm sad that he never liked me but not jealous. I am happy that she is dating, but it does hurt that it's with him. I reply that I don't hate him that I'm just pissed off and depressed. He asked why, I replied its personal. After while we got off topic, but said that he thinks that he believes that while we were texting that I just wanted him to shut up. That wasn't true at all. So for now on I will try to at least say something to him so he doesn't think anything. I can't even look him in the eye. When everyone is walking and we end up kind of close, just on the same side I move away or to the other side. I guess it does seem like I hate him. Sorry.

             Tomorrow I plain to skip walking with the group and get some ice cream, walk to the park, eat and finish the ice cream and then eventually come back to the boys and girls club. My only concern is that what if they see me, the only way to go is the way the group always walk. If they see me then they are going to come with me and the hole point is to be alone, well I don't wan to be completely alone but no one in the group can come. My best friend will ask to many questions and he boyfriend will want to come with. Everyone else will be to scared to come or worry all the way there. I don't know what to do I'll do what every comes to my mind first at that moment. That could really hurt me or really help me.

             Lord Lord Lord. I just make a mess of things. This is why I don't wan to hang out with them, it would just be better if I just never see them anymore. I think I should just suck it up and be happy so no one worries and think I'm doing this for attention. See I can't do anything without something bad coming out of it. If  I leave they will think I want them to notice me see I can't stand this anymore.