How I feel today

              I feel depressed. My best friend is going out with the guy I like, Well learning not to like him now. See I new that she liked him, but before I knew I liked him also. But I hide my feelings so she wouldn't know. I knew it will kill her, even though she would never say it. I know it's true because that's what I'm doing now. Not telling how I really feel. It hurts seeing them together, that's why I can't hang out with them anymore. I don't want anything to to with him. He just thinks I hate him for some reason. Even though he is right it's not the whole truth. I would have to hide everything but I don't know how much I can hold it for. It's has only been 1 day and I am already in so much pain. Really I just want to never see any of them again. Not even my other friends. Is this what my life has ended up to. Pushing all my friends away because of this. This guy is not even worth it. But then again I don't know what to do. For now I should just hide my feelings, act happy, act happy for them, play along, don't say anything, and inside I shall die and cry.

 

              Tomorrow me we are all going to the park after school. I planned it at first before they started dating. Now I don't want to go. It will be to weird and painful for me. Thank goodness one of my other friends is coming. I can talk to her to try to avoid them. I use to talk to him all the time but now I can't even look at him. I don't wan to be close to him, see him, talk to him or even be in the same room as him. But I have to for my friend.

              For now on when they go to the buys and girls club I will go to the park all by myself. Just to avoid them and to avoid being at the boys and girls club as much as possible. I really made a mess of things, and if I tell everyone how I feel it would be even worse. I wouldn't be able to hang out with them. Even though I don't even want to, but they will properly not allow me any more. Even is they do allow me it will be really weird and awkward.